Feeling guilty for being blessed

Have you ever felt guilty for something that you shouldn't feel guilty for? Something that is a really good thing and everyone else sees it as a good thing? Even the person who, without knowing it and not intending to, is the source of the guilt?

Earlier tonight I was at a funeral home. It was a wake for my cousin who died suddenly over the weekend. I haven't really talked much about it. I haven't even told my friends. None of them know. I don't know why. I guess I'm just not ready to tell them. Perhaps it's the effect of the ensuing shock. Who knows?

While I was at the funeral home I did the customary receiving line. I spoke with my cousins parents (my mother's first cousin is my cousin's father, we're all first and second cousins) and his sisters. Their putting on as good of a front as they can but I know they're devastated. When I spoke with my cousin's father, Frank, he congratulated me on my newborn daughter who is just one week old today.

You try to have a normal conversation in moments like these. Just to keep some sense of normalcy. Frank commented on how I have a son and a daughter and that now I have "a million dollar family". Could there be a greater sense of irony in this situation? I'm at his son's wake and he's congratulating me on my "million dollar family". How insanely screwed up is that? His 27 year old son is gone. What do you think he'd give to be back where I am now? More than a million dollars I'm sure.

So that's why I feel guilty. I feel guilty for having two beautiful, healthy, innocent babies at home while he is dying inside. I feel guilty for having the thing that has been taken from him.

Now I know that Frank is happy for me and that he doesn't hold it against me. It's not like that at all. It's just hard not to feel like my blessing is an accent and punctuation mark on his grief.

The Cereal Conspiracy

After a long hiatus from blogging I am making my triumphant return. Okay, well, my return. We'll wait and see how triumphant it is. As someone who makes their living as a marketer, I can't help but scrutinize the various marketing messages that I encounter throughout my travels and the other day I had an epiphany. Let me explain.

It's common in marketing to look for simple approaches to convey your message. Sometimes templates or formulas are created and marketers blindly follow them. You find something that works and then you simply trade out the details to make it fit your product or service. It doesn't always work and in many cases leads to "bad advertising" but on the plus side keeping it simple has its merits.

So the other day I was talking to someone at work, standing at their desk, and I noticed they had a cereal box on their desk. It was Fruity Pebbles. Upon inspection of the box design I saw that the main graphic on the front was Fred Flintstone with a giant bowl of Fruity Pebbles behind him. There was a large scooping device made out of two spoons tied together with an extending arm attached to it. The scooping device was attempting to scoop the pebbles out of the bowl. Who was holding the scooping device? Good question. It was none other than Barney Rubble. If you're familiar with this cereal and its commercials you'd know that the concept is that Barney is always trying to get some of Fred's Fruity Pebbles. So I'm thinking all this and that's when it hit me. Many popular kid's cereals are marketed with this same core concept: The cereal is really good tasting. Someone has the cereal. Someone else wants the really good tasting cereal and tries to steal it.

Let's think about this. Pebbles: Barney stealing from Fred. Lucky Charms: The kids trying to steal the Leprechaun's cereal. Trix: The rabbit trying to steal from the kids. Cookie Crisp: The crook stealing from the children. What kind of message are we sending to our children?

"Look, this cereal tastes so damn good that you'll be willing to steal to get it. So good in fact that you would risk being arrested just to get your lips on this stuff."

I'm sure there are other examples that I'm just not thinking of. Of course, not all kid's cereals take this approach but I think enough of them do to make us at least take note. So the moral of this story is that not only are sugary kids cereals bad for your health but they could inadvertently land your child in prison.

We're all terminal.

I just finished watching a video on You Tube. First, let me say that everyone should watch it. It's a lecture by former Carnegie Mellon University professor Randy Pausch titled "Last Lecture". It was given in September of 2007 one month after he was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer.

I'm not going to discuss the details of the lecture because you really need to experience it for yourself. What I wanted to do was take the opportunity to comment on the effect it had on me. I really just want get what I'm thinking out of my head. I believe that writing out your thoughts and especially your goals and dreams allows you to better achieve them. I'm not sure why I believe this other than I've seen it happen in my life. It's not that things happen because you focus on them but that they absolutely won't if you don't. Don't start quoting me on this just yet though. I'm still figuring this out.

What I took away from the lecture was a strong reminder of things that are said often but given little significant respect. We are, at the same time, living and dying. What struck me is, while also being a platitude, that if we had a healthy respect for dying than we would probably possess a much greater passion and zeal for living. I've always said that I don't really care for fiction novels because their is so much non-fiction happening around us that there just isn't time for something that has no purchase on reality (Unless its allegorical but that's a horse of a different color). Some would say that this kind of attitude invites undue burden on one's life. I can appreciate that point but must wholeheartedly disagree. I can appreciate it because just living day-to-day life is tough enough without the added pressure of living significantly.

I look at my son (who is 6 months old today) and, with tears welling up as I write, cannot help myself from imagining how our world could shake as a result of his determination combined with whatever talent God has given him. I say "could" because I don't know what the future holds for William. I don't know what path of life William will find himself on. I am thoroughly convinced though that, no matter where he finds himself, if he chooses he can make that piece of the world change for the good, permanently. This is the same belief that I have for myself. I also have it for you.

People can call me an idealist. They can say I'm unrealistic. They can pass the buck and make excuses for why it can't, shouldn't, or simply won't happen. That's okay. I choose to believe that I was given life because someone knew what they were doing. I believe that I'm part of system, albeit on life support, that needs what I have though at times I'm not sure what it is that I have. Most reading this know that I follow Christ. My path meanders a lot but I'm still following. I say this because it has to be made clear that I don't find anything particularly extraordinary about myself beyond the capacity for greatness all mankind shares when we are so rightly aligned with God and his purposes.

I'm reminded of the lyrics to a song that I feel are quite in sync with this theme:

Go Down Believing by Chamberlain....

I say it's more than just, you know, playing it safe
Cuz you only got so much time here then you're on to another place
Either you go down in the ground and sleep still in your grave
Or you find yourself back home, back from where you came

But I'd rather go down, go down believing

You got two ways to think about your time to die
I'd rather tip glasses with kings even if it's only in my mind
You've got nothing to lose but you've got worlds to gain
There's a reason you tremble inside when you see the sky minutes after it rains

The very thing we're quick to deny is always what's keeping us alive
I guess you'd like to sit back on your boot heels like you're so satisfied

But I'd rather go down, go down believing

Death might hit you hard when you're feeling most alive
When it hits you it's hard
The the first time's the last time.

But I'll go down believing...

Randy Pausch passed away yesterday. Watch his lecture. If for no other reason than out of respect for someone who lived like he was dying even before he knew he actually was.

Watch the lecture and tell me you can't hear God whispering in your ear "Don't give up. You can do it. Trust me."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

Legacy

Have you ever wondered what people will say about you after you die? What will your legacy be? If you could stand at your own funeral and recount your life, what would you say? Would you talk about the job you had? Or the car you drove? Perhaps the vacations you took or the clothes you wore? What will people remember about you when you're gone?

I'd like to think that when I'm dead and buried that people will remember me as being generous, kind, concerned, loving, helpfull. The problem is, if that's what I want people to remember than I better make sure that I'm living that way. It's one thing to say something and a completely different thing to actually do it.

We are building our legacies every single day with every word we speak and every action we take, or don't take. What are you doing today to insure that, long after you are gone, your impact is still being felt?

Why we lie

You ever wonder why people lie? I consider myself a pretty honest guy but even I catch myself slipping untruths in here or there. It's unintentional, but it still happens from time to time.

I think people lie out of fear. Fear of the truth. Maybe it's driven by guilt of something you did or said that you know you shouldn't have. Maybe it's because we're afraid of the reaction people will have if the truth comes out. If they find out who we really are. Even if it's not a bad thing. You have to admit we spend an awful lot of energy trying to give off a certain impression to people. Sometimes we feel like we have to be something that we really aren't to make others accept us.

Perhaps it would be good if we all, myself included, took a step away from ourselves and took a good look at who we really are. Not the person we think people want us to be. What incredible freedom we would have if we could simply be ourselves.

That's what I love so much about Jesus. He took people just as they were. He didn't point fingers or hurl accusations. He took them as they came and loved them with more than just words.

Imperfections

I have all kinds of imperfections in my body. My teeth are crooked. I'm nearsighted. One of my eyebrows grows in the opposite direction at one end. My fingers are long and curl up just a bit at the tips. My nose is slightly crooked and my ears have little indentations on them from childbirth. I have a slight bald spot above one of my sideburns. I get really dry skin that migrates on my body. Right now it's taken up residence on my left hand. I'm just about six feet tall but only weigh 140 pounds. I have a slight curvature of my spine, too.

I'm sure if I thought for a little longer I could come up with some others. The truth is though, I'm actually a pretty normal looking guy to most people. I guess you see what you want to see. What do you see when you look at someone else? What do you see when you look at yourself?

What does God see when he looks at us in all our imperfect perfection? It's either one of two things. Us or Jesus. It's our choice. I choose Jesus.

The best fish fry in town.

Today is my father's 61st birthday. I'm sure he wouldn't be thrilled that I am sharing this but I already affectionately call him "Old Man" so this probably won't hurt my standing too much. For the record, he doesn't look 61. He actually looks like he's in his early 50's. That's one of the few genetic advantages of being a Eustice male. Now on to tonight's show.....

Meredith and I were on our way over to my parents house tonight for dinner and a birthday celebration when we passed a restaurant on the main drag. It's actually more of a diner/cafe type place. It's not too far from my parent's house and it has been there for as long as I can remember. I haven't been there since I was a boy. The cafe has a light up sign with those spaces to spell words and make unsolicited marketing advances to passers by. This night the sign read "Best fish fry in town." Now that's a pretty bold claim. One which I'm sure many other restaurateurs in the area would dispute. However, it just might be true. I mean, I don't know if it's true or not but it could be.

Most people reading this know that I make my living creating advertising for businesses. So, when I see or hear a business make a claim like that my first reaction is to cringe. Marketing 101 clearly tells us that unsubstantiated claims like "Best service" or "Lowest prices" are little more than cliches that are generally ignored by the recipient of the message. Everybody is saying these things but so few actually deliver. Even if it's true, no one actually believes you. The result of this kind of messaging is that you get relegated to the closet of obscure an unnoticed advertisers. People want you to prove what you say by putting your money where your mouth is. If your fish fry is so damn good then why don't you setup shop outside one day and give it away! That would prove to me and everyone else that your willing to make a sacrifice to prove that what you say is more than lip service. Perhaps they have, but I seriously doubt it. I can guarantee you that I, for one, would be a loyal customer to that restaurant. If the fish fry was really that good, of course.

Now for the much anticipated and telegraphed tie in to Christ-like living. What is it going to take for us, as followers of Christ, to realize that people aren't listening to what we're saying anymore? They have heard it all before. They have heard it from well intentioned people . They have heard it from you and they have heard it from me. The question is have we proved it? I don't mean proved in mathematical, logical, apologetic proofs. I'm talking about putting our money where our mouth is and proving it with our actions. Proving that we believe what we say we do so much that we're not going to waste their time with convenient, polite conversation. Rather, that we make sacrifices of ourselves to prove that we're willing to get the short end of the stick sometimes. To prove that we're willing to go without, or maybe just less, so that others don't have to. To prove that we are willing to be inconvenienced because our faith demands it.

Feel free to read into this personally. I know I will. This is a message to all of us. People will say you shouldn't talk about politics or religion so that you don't offend anyone. Well, I'd rather be honest with myself and my friends and risk the offense knowing that we poured out everything we could when we had the chance to because there will come a day when we will no longer be able to.

It usually holds true that if something doesn't cost you much than you usually don't place much value on it. For certain, talk is cheap. How much value do you think others place on our words when that's all we're willing to give them? Do we really have the best fish fry in town or are we just telling people that we do? Do you think they believe us? Have we given them reason to?