Salt

Missing the Message to Garcia

2011-06-01T20:03:00.002-05:00

How do two people experience the same thing and get totally different impressions? I just finished watching a piece on WNED about the life and movement of Roycroft founder Elbert Hubbard. They had a slew of historians serving as commentators. One particular lady was commenting on Hubbard's unexpected breakthrough publication, A Message to Garcia. Hubbard published it in his paper, The Philistine, on a whim after a out-and-out conversation over dinner with his son over what was at the time considered The Cuban War. People started requesting reprints and he eventually printed more than 40 million copies in 36 different languages. It's third for its time only overshadowed by The Bible and the dictionary.

General Garcia was a officer in Cuba during the Spanish-American War. The story goes that the president of the United States asked a soldier to deliver a message to General Garcia who was somewhere in the mountains of Cuba at an unknown location. Hubbard's insight was about the fact the soldier just got it done. He didn't ask questions. He didn't make excuses for why he'll "try but it might not happen because it's tough to find someone in a wild country when you don't know where they are." He just did and it meant a great deal. Just do the work, you know?

Back to this lady's commentary. She was going on about how while Hubbard was a champion for breaking rules and making your way he contradicted himself by insisting that what our country needed was more people willing to just follow the rules and do the work. Did she read the same essay that I did? I've read A Message to Garcia and that is not the point. It's actually making the opposite point. It's not about following the rules. It's about initiative. It's about seeing your assignment, this can be self-imposed, and not flinching, not faltering even when you have no idea how or if you will get it done. It's about being willing to do whatever it takes to do the thing that has been asked of you no matter how heavy a load.

To use A Message to Garcia, which an entire generation of Americans would do well to read and read again, as a platform to showcase some hypocrisy in Elbert Hubbard is weak. Perhaps that hypocrisy was present in Hubbard. It's possible. He was a controversial figure. He also made a serious dent in our world which people are still falling into today.

Frustrated Greatness

2010-01-11T23:02:00.002-05:00

I just finished watching a documentary on the life of Marvin Gaye. It was on WNED tonight. It aired right after a documentary on the life of another great musical artist from the same generation, Sam Cooke. I don't know if they were adjacent for a reason but they were both, in life and in death, similar. Both were incredibly talented. They both changed music and its trajectory. Their music was positively charged. Their songs have a way of just making you feel good if that's all they end up doing. Of course, their music stood for more than just that.

What's strangely coincidental is how they both met the same fate. Both were shot to death "before their time". Isn't that a great turn of phrase? "Before their time?" There really is no such thing but that's not the point I'm interested in making tonight. What struck me as tragic and profound was their level of greatness from a talent perspective. Both Sam Cooke and Marvin Gaye were seriously talented. Just listen to their music. Yet both left this world laying on the ground as their life slowly slipped away.

Sam Cooke met his fate at the hands of a landlord. He was in her building, it may have been a hotel, with a prostitute that he had met that night at a bar. Whether he knew she was a prostitute or not I'm not sure. It doesn't matter. She ended up with him at this place. The story goes that she attempted to steal his pants which had a lot of cash in the pockets. He ran out of the room and hunted down the landlord because he felt she was involved in the shakedown. One thing led to another and Sam Cooke was shot.

Marvin Gaye was a troubled man. He grew up with a father who was both a Pentecostal preacher and a cross dresser. I guess he struggled with the spiritual and secular duality of life and never did quite figure out how to reconcile it all. He had serious drug addiction. His story goes that one night at his parents house he was defending his mother against his father in an argument. His father grabbed a gun that Marvin had purchased for him some time before. What happened next has already been revealed. Marvin Gaye was shot to death by his own father with his own gun.

I guess the idealist in me wants to try to take something away from all of this. I want to find the moral of the story, the lesson to be learned. I suppose there are a few things to appreciate here. What stands out to me is the tragedy of unrealized greatness. Even despite all of their achievements and the trappings of success they couldn't escape sad and tragic deaths. Now I'm no Marvin Gaye or Sam Cooke but it's hard not to think of myself in their place. It's easy to think that we're exempt from those kinds of events and troubles but neither of them planned to leave this world the way they did. Neither wrote that in a five year plan. Certainly they made choices that led them to those places but we're making choices everyday that could just as easily go sour. What's preventing us from making one bad choice that turns into a slightly worse choice that turns into our last choice?

I'm not trying to be over-dramatic. I just think it's healthy to realize that our actions aren't exempt from consequences. Those tragedies that we see and pity people for could easily be us one day. To be safe, I put my faith in Christ. If there truly is any remedy or precaution then surely he is it.

It's a new year

2010-01-01T22:34:00.002-05:00

Today is the first day of the New Year. 2010. A new decade too. We'll see what the future holds for us. It's one thing to sit and dream about where you'll be in 5 or 10 years. What will your life be like? Family? Job? Home? It's another thing entirely to look back and see where you've come in the same amount of time.

I was sitting around the house today and asked Meredith (my wife) what she thought we'd be up to in 5 years. She didn't really know. Not that I expected her to. It made me think about what we were doing 5 years ago. 5 years ago we had just gotten married the previous summer. We were living in our first apartment. I was still working for a cellular communications company at a retail outlet. We were attending a well known and successful (in some ways) mega church. Fast forward 5 years to today and it's a bit different. We now own a house and have for almost three years. We have two children. I work as a marketing consultant for a media company. Meredith stays home with the children and works part-time. We are involved in planting a community of Christians (also successful in some ways) that uses a bar in downtown Buffalo as it's public homebase. A lot can change in 5 years.

We've been blessed in many ways in the past 5 years. I can see God's working in our lives and those around us. I've certainly had my share of failures. I've done some stupid things and said some stupid things too. Some things change and some things stay the same. Good thing God's grace is more tolerant than my will is obedient. While I strive to follow Christ in action I've seen myself take a back seat in order to fit in. Sometimes just out of selfishness. This is the thing that I'd like to see change in the next 5 years. Perhaps sooner? That certainly would be welcome.

So we'll see what the future holds for us. I hope that your future brings you greater hope and greater closeness to our creator. Greater purpose and vision. Greater clarity and wisdom. Most of all, greater relationships that have a greater impact on our communities.

Happy New Year.

Feeling guilty for being blessed

2009-11-10T20:36:00.003-05:00

Have you ever felt guilty for something that you shouldn't feel guilty for? Something that is a really good thing and everyone else sees it as a good thing? Even the person who, without knowing it and not intending to, is the source of the guilt?

Earlier tonight I was at a funeral home. It was a wake for my cousin who died suddenly over the weekend. I haven't really talked much about it. I haven't even told my friends. None of them know. I don't know why. I guess I'm just not ready to tell them. Perhaps it's the effect of the ensuing shock. Who knows?

While I was at the funeral home I did the customary receiving line. I spoke with my cousins parents (my mother's first cousin is my cousin's father, we're all first and second cousins) and his sisters. Their putting on as good of a front as they can but I know they're devastated. When I spoke with my cousin's father, Frank, he congratulated me on my newborn daughter who is just one week old today.

You try to have a normal conversation in moments like these. Just to keep some sense of normalcy. Frank commented on how I have a son and a daughter and that now I have "a million dollar family". Could there be a greater sense of irony in this situation? I'm at his son's wake and he's congratulating me on my "million dollar family". How insanely screwed up is that? His 27 year old son is gone. What do you think he'd give to be back where I am now? More than a million dollars I'm sure.

So that's why I feel guilty. I feel guilty for having two beautiful, healthy, innocent babies at home while he is dying inside. I feel guilty for having the thing that has been taken from him.

Now I know that Frank is happy for me and that he doesn't hold it against me. It's not like that at all. It's just hard not to feel like my blessing is an accent and punctuation mark on his grief.

The Cereal Conspiracy

2009-04-01T18:43:00.002-05:00

After a long hiatus from blogging I am making my triumphant return. Okay, well, my return. We'll wait and see how triumphant it is. As someone who makes their living as a marketer, I can't help but scrutinize the various marketing messages that I encounter throughout my travels and the other day I had an epiphany. Let me explain.

It's common in marketing to look for simple approaches to convey your message. Sometimes templates or formulas are created and marketers blindly follow them. You find something that works and then you simply trade out the details to make it fit your product or service. It doesn't always work and in many cases leads to "bad advertising" but on the plus side keeping it simple has its merits.

So the other day I was talking to someone at work, standing at their desk, and I noticed they had a cereal box on their desk. It was Fruity Pebbles. Upon inspection of the box design I saw that the main graphic on the front was Fred Flintstone with a giant bowl of Fruity Pebbles behind him. There was a large scooping device made out of two spoons tied together with an extending arm attached to it. The scooping device was attempting to scoop the pebbles out of the bowl. Who was holding the scooping device? Good question. It was none other than Barney Rubble. If you're familiar with this cereal and its commercials you'd know that the concept is that Barney is always trying to get some of Fred's Fruity Pebbles. So I'm thinking all this and that's when it hit me. Many popular kid's cereals are marketed with this same core concept: The cereal is really good tasting. Someone has the cereal. Someone else wants the really good tasting cereal and tries to steal it.

Let's think about this. Pebbles: Barney stealing from Fred. Lucky Charms: The kids trying to steal the Leprechaun's cereal. Trix: The rabbit trying to steal from the kids. Cookie Crisp: The crook stealing from the children. What kind of message are we sending to our children?

"Look, this cereal tastes so damn good that you'll be willing to steal to get it. So good in fact that you would risk being arrested just to get your lips on this stuff."

I'm sure there are other examples that I'm just not thinking of. Of course, not all kid's cereals take this approach but I think enough of them do to make us at least take note. So the moral of this story is that not only are sugary kids cereals bad for your health but they could inadvertently land your child in prison.

We're all terminal.

2008-07-26T11:53:00.006-05:00

I just finished watching a video on You Tube. First, let me say that everyone should watch it. It's a lecture by former Carnegie Mellon University professor Randy Pausch titled "Last Lecture". It was given in September of 2007 one month after he was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer.

I'm not going to discuss the details of the lecture because you really need to experience it for yourself. What I wanted to do was take the opportunity to comment on the effect it had on me. I really just want get what I'm thinking out of my head. I believe that writing out your thoughts and especially your goals and dreams allows you to better achieve them. I'm not sure why I believe this other than I've seen it happen in my life. It's not that things happen because you focus on them but that they absolutely won't if you don't. Don't start quoting me on this just yet though. I'm still figuring this out.

What I took away from the lecture was a strong reminder of things that are said often but given little significant respect. We are, at the same time, living and dying. What struck me is, while also being a platitude, that if we had a healthy respect for dying than we would probably possess a much greater passion and zeal for living. I've always said that I don't really care for fiction novels because their is so much non-fiction happening around us that there just isn't time for something that has no purchase on reality (Unless its allegorical but that's a horse of a different color). Some would say that this kind of attitude invites undue burden on one's life. I can appreciate that point but must wholeheartedly disagree. I can appreciate it because just living day-to-day life is tough enough without the added pressure of living significantly.

I look at my son (who is 6 months old today) and, with tears welling up as I write, cannot help myself from imagining how our world could shake as a result of his determination combined with whatever talent God has given him. I say "could" because I don't know what the future holds for William. I don't know what path of life William will find himself on. I am thoroughly convinced though that, no matter where he finds himself, if he chooses he can make that piece of the world change for the good, permanently. This is the same belief that I have for myself. I also have it for you.

People can call me an idealist. They can say I'm unrealistic. They can pass the buck and make excuses for why it can't, shouldn't, or simply won't happen. That's okay. I choose to believe that I was given life because someone knew what they were doing. I believe that I'm part of system, albeit on life support, that needs what I have though at times I'm not sure what it is that I have. Most reading this know that I follow Christ. My path meanders a lot but I'm still following. I say this because it has to be made clear that I don't find anything particularly extraordinary about myself beyond the capacity for greatness all mankind shares when we are so rightly aligned with God and his purposes.

I'm reminded of the lyrics to a song that I feel are quite in sync with this theme:

Go Down Believing by Chamberlain....

I say it's more than just, you know, playing it safe
Cuz you only got so much time here then you're on to another place
Either you go down in the ground and sleep still in your grave
Or you find yourself back home, back from where you came

But I'd rather go down, go down believing

You got two ways to think about your time to die
I'd rather tip glasses with kings even if it's only in my mind
You've got nothing to lose but you've got worlds to gain
There's a reason you tremble inside when you see the sky minutes after it rains

The very thing we're quick to deny is always what's keeping us alive
I guess you'd like to sit back on your boot heels like you're so satisfied

But I'd rather go down, go down believing

Death might hit you hard when you're feeling most alive
When it hits you it's hard
The the first time's the last time.

But I'll go down believing...

Randy Pausch passed away yesterday. Watch his lecture. If for no other reason than out of respect for someone who lived like he was dying even before he knew he actually was.

Watch the lecture and tell me you can't hear God whispering in your ear "Don't give up. You can do it. Trust me."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

Legacy

2008-06-11T14:44:00.002-05:00

Have you ever wondered what people will say about you after you die? What will your legacy be? If you could stand at your own funeral and recount your life, what would you say? Would you talk about the job you had? Or the car you drove? Perhaps the vacations you took or the clothes you wore? What will people remember about you when you're gone?

I'd like to think that when I'm dead and buried that people will remember me as being generous, kind, concerned, loving, helpfull. The problem is, if that's what I want people to remember than I better make sure that I'm living that way. It's one thing to say something and a completely different thing to actually do it.

We are building our legacies every single day with every word we speak and every action we take, or don't take. What are you doing today to insure that, long after you are gone, your impact is still being felt?

Why we lie

2008-06-11T13:35:00.002-05:00

You ever wonder why people lie? I consider myself a pretty honest guy but even I catch myself slipping untruths in here or there. It's unintentional, but it still happens from time to time.

I think people lie out of fear. Fear of the truth. Maybe it's driven by guilt of something you did or said that you know you shouldn't have. Maybe it's because we're afraid of the reaction people will have if the truth comes out. If they find out who we really are. Even if it's not a bad thing. You have to admit we spend an awful lot of energy trying to give off a certain impression to people. Sometimes we feel like we have to be something that we really aren't to make others accept us.

Perhaps it would be good if we all, myself included, took a step away from ourselves and took a good look at who we really are. Not the person we think people want us to be. What incredible freedom we would have if we could simply be ourselves.

That's what I love so much about Jesus. He took people just as they were. He didn't point fingers or hurl accusations. He took them as they came and loved them with more than just words.

Imperfections

2008-06-10T09:56:00.005-05:00

I have all kinds of imperfections in my body. My teeth are crooked. I'm nearsighted. One of my eyebrows grows in the opposite direction at one end. My fingers are long and curl up just a bit at the tips. My nose is slightly crooked and my ears have little indentations on them from childbirth. I have a slight bald spot above one of my sideburns. I get really dry skin that migrates on my body. Right now it's taken up residence on my left hand. I'm just about six feet tall but only weigh 140 pounds. I have a slight curvature of my spine, too.

I'm sure if I thought for a little longer I could come up with some others. The truth is though, I'm actually a pretty normal looking guy to most people. I guess you see what you want to see. What do you see when you look at someone else? What do you see when you look at yourself?

What does God see when he looks at us in all our imperfect perfection? It's either one of two things. Us or Jesus. It's our choice. I choose Jesus.

The best fish fry in town.

2008-01-15T20:52:00.000-05:00

Today is my father's 61st birthday. I'm sure he wouldn't be thrilled that I am sharing this but I already affectionately call him "Old Man" so this probably won't hurt my standing too much. For the record, he doesn't look 61. He actually looks like he's in his early 50's. That's one of the few genetic advantages of being a Eustice male. Now on to tonight's show.....

Meredith and I were on our way over to my parents house tonight for dinner and a birthday celebration when we passed a restaurant on the main drag. It's actually more of a diner/cafe type place. It's not too far from my parent's house and it has been there for as long as I can remember. I haven't been there since I was a boy. The cafe has a light up sign with those spaces to spell words and make unsolicited marketing advances to passers by. This night the sign read "Best fish fry in town." Now that's a pretty bold claim. One which I'm sure many other restaurateurs in the area would dispute. However, it just might be true. I mean, I don't know if it's true or not but it could be.

Most people reading this know that I make my living creating advertising for businesses. So, when I see or hear a business make a claim like that my first reaction is to cringe. Marketing 101 clearly tells us that unsubstantiated claims like "Best service" or "Lowest prices" are little more than cliches that are generally ignored by the recipient of the message. Everybody is saying these things but so few actually deliver. Even if it's true, no one actually believes you. The result of this kind of messaging is that you get relegated to the closet of obscure an unnoticed advertisers. People want you to prove what you say by putting your money where your mouth is. If your fish fry is so damn good then why don't you setup shop outside one day and give it away! That would prove to me and everyone else that your willing to make a sacrifice to prove that what you say is more than lip service. Perhaps they have, but I seriously doubt it. I can guarantee you that I, for one, would be a loyal customer to that restaurant. If the fish fry was really that good, of course.

Now for the much anticipated and telegraphed tie in to Christ-like living. What is it going to take for us, as followers of Christ, to realize that people aren't listening to what we're saying anymore? They have heard it all before. They have heard it from well intentioned people . They have heard it from you and they have heard it from me. The question is have we proved it? I don't mean proved in mathematical, logical, apologetic proofs. I'm talking about putting our money where our mouth is and proving it with our actions. Proving that we believe what we say we do so much that we're not going to waste their time with convenient, polite conversation. Rather, that we make sacrifices of ourselves to prove that we're willing to get the short end of the stick sometimes. To prove that we're willing to go without, or maybe just less, so that others don't have to. To prove that we are willing to be inconvenienced because our faith demands it.

Feel free to read into this personally. I know I will. This is a message to all of us. People will say you shouldn't talk about politics or religion so that you don't offend anyone. Well, I'd rather be honest with myself and my friends and risk the offense knowing that we poured out everything we could when we had the chance to because there will come a day when we will no longer be able to.

It usually holds true that if something doesn't cost you much than you usually don't place much value on it. For certain, talk is cheap. How much value do you think others place on our words when that's all we're willing to give them? Do we really have the best fish fry in town or are we just telling people that we do? Do you think they believe us? Have we given them reason to?

Numb.

2007-10-21T18:07:00.000-05:00

My wife, Meredith, and I went to Toronto for the weekend. I had "earned" a free overnight stay in Toronto from my work for meeting a certain donation level to The United Way. Actually, it was a two night stay but we didn't realize this until it was too late. Meredith works on Saturdays and we both work on Monday, so, we only stayed one night. It was nice just the same.

We arrived around 6:00 pm, checked in to our room, and got ready. We ate dinner in one of the three restaurants at The Delta East, our hotel. We both had steak. It was good. I had a couple Manhattans. I like Manhattans, sometimes. Meredith drank water. She's pregnant. After dinner we went back to our room, changed again, and went down to the pool. I went straight for the hot tub. From time to time, the muscles around and between my shoulder blades freak out. I was hoping the hot tub would help a bit. Meredith went in the pool and then joined me a few minutes later. She only dipped her feet in the hot tub. She's pregnant.

After we had our fill of the pool area we went back up to the room, popped on the TV, and ordered room service. We split a piece of mandarin-scented cheesecake and some vanilla ice cream. I had one more Manhattan. I like Manhattans, sometimes. Meredith drank water. She's pregnant. We contemplated ordering a pay-per-view movie. They were showing "The Bourne Ultimatum". It's the last in the series of three movies and neither Meredith nor I had seen it yet. The cost to order the movie was $13.99 + tax so we used our better judgement and passed on the movie. $13.99 + tax is too much for a movie but $25.00 + tax for dessert and a drink delivered to your hotel room isn't, I guess. We watched some Law & Order SVU and fell asleep.

This morning we woke up, got ready, and checked out. We drove to a bagel shop around the corner from where we were staying and had breakfast. After breakfast we drove in to the city. Our hotel was in a suburb about 30 minutes outside of Toronto, taking traffic into consideration. Our first stop was H&M on Bluerr Street. Meredith was looking around and I decided that I wanted coffee. I walked about a block to a nearby Starbuck's that I am familiar with from previous trips. I ordered my usual cold beverage; an iced grande vanilla whole milk latte. For Meredith, I ordered an iced half-caf grande soy latte. She's pregnant.

As I was walking back to H&M I saw a girl standing in the middle of the sidewalk holding a sign made out of notebook paper, trying her hardest to make her presence known to me. I walked towards her as if she had a tractor beam pulling me in. As I got closer I began reading the red ink on her paper sign. The sign said that she was 8 months pregnant and homeless. She had a paper cup in her hand with some change in it. She was wearing a fall/winter coat and, honestly, she looked pregnant. Naturally, I asked "So, are you really pregnant?" She said "Yeah. You wanna see?" "Sure" I said. She unzipped her coat and lifted her shirt up above her very pregnant stomach. That was good enough for me. I said that I would help her and began to reach into my pocket. I knew that I had some canadian money in my left pocket. She began to explain that all she was really getting was change. She wasn't really making eye contact with me at this point and it was a little ackward for me too. I pulled out what was in my pocket, a $5 bill, and put it in her cup. "Well, at least now I can get on the subway" she said.

I asked her "What's your name?" "Angel", she said. "You know God loves you, right?" was what came out of my mouth next, I think. I'm trying to keep the chronology straight. Angel looked away toward the ground and said "Yeah...I know." Now, I'm not one to drop the old "You know God loves you, right?" but, I was desparately seeking to help her know that there is someone who does care about her even when it seems like no one even acknowledges her existence. I just wanted her to know that she was as valuable as anybody else.

I asked her if she had tried getting help. She told me that she didn't have an ID card and that it would cost $35.00 to replace. She rambled off some other details about complications in replacing the ID card. What happened next I could never have saw coming in a million years. "Can I have a hug?" As if I had no control over my speech, I blurted out "Okay." We reached out for each other at the same time and embraced. It felt more like I was holding her. "I haven't had a hug in over a year" followed next in a kind of quiverring tone. Now, she was crying. All I could do was hold her and pray for her. I didn't even know what to pray for and I don't think I can remember what I prayed.

After what seemed like forever, but was probably only 4o seconds, we let go of each other and I told her, again, that God loves her. "It probably doesn't seem like it right now but he does. I'll be praying for you and your baby." I began to walk away and she moved out of the main walking path on the sidewalk. About 30 steps later I looked back and she was gone. I walked back to meet up with Meredith. She was already outside of the store waiting for me. We decided that we were going to drive to The Eaton Centre, a shopping mall, and began to walk to the parking ramp where our car was. We were in the parking ramp and I was opening the door for Meredith when she asked me if I was okay. I guess it was obvious that something was wrong. I told her "No" as I closed the door and walked around the car to get in the driver's seat.

I explained to Meredith what had just happened while I was getting us coffee. I couldn't help but cry. I was upset. I still am. Meredith sat quietly and listened to me as I told her my story. She is pretty good at just being there, you know?

There are several things about this encounter that disturb me. The fact that right now, our loved ones are spending what will amount to thousands of dollars on baby shower items for Meredith, myself, and our baby. The fact that I feel completely unable to really help Angel and her coming child. The fact that as I was embracing Angel the thought crossed my mind that perhaps this was a ploy to steal my wallet or something of that nature. Of that I am ashamed. It wasn't. I guess it's difficult to let your guard down, even in a moment like that. How about not feeling the warmth of another's embrace in over a year?

There are times in your life, times marked by events, that you know without a shadow of a doubt have changed something about you permanently. This has been one of those times for me. The currently painful part is that I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what to do. I will pray for Angel. I hope you will too. Beyond that, I don't know. The shock of this encounter has left me numb.

The Bradley Method

2007-09-10T21:01:00.000-05:00

Imagine this, if you will: 8 grown men in a dimly lit room massaging the butts of 8 pregnant women. Welcome to the next 10 weeks of my life. That's right. Meredith and I are enrolled in birthing classes. The 10 week program is called The Bradley Method named after the doctor that came up with this natural method of child birth. Now, this is not to be confused with another birthing technique growing in popularity, The Milton-Bradley Method, which has at its core a working knowledge of board games and their therapuetic and pain mitigating functions. The Bradley Method, basically, is a combination of relaxation, strengthening exercises and proper nutrition throughout the pregnancy to ensure the best possible natural birth scenario. Natural as in through the vagina sans pain medication. C-section doesn't count as natural, I guess. Meredith isn't sure if she is okay with doing this thing without pain medication. I'm not sure if I'm okay listening to women tell stories about their vaginas for the next 10 weeks. Either way, we're doing it. I think in next week's class we are going to learn the perineum massage. Google it. I dare you.

No one gets out of this life alive.

2007-08-27T18:14:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, my grip on reality seems shakey. I don't mean in the "wow, this guy's losing it and probably going crazy" way. I mean in the other way. You know, you get in a routine and before you know it, you're in a routine. Your actions seems fairly scripted and predictable. One day blends into the next until you have a series of days, some refer to this phenomenon as 'weeks', that press on and characterize your life or at least the events thereof. Occasionally, one snaps out of it long enough to realize that they have fallen asleep at the wheel, again. Picture, if you will, living life sedated but aware enough to keep it together. This moment, for me, is when I ponder that existential and nauseating question; "What's the point?" The question is usually accompanied by that feeling of being here but not really being here. Like you are watching things happen outside of yourself. Not "What's the point?" in that melodramatic way people ask before they jump off a bridge. Don't mistake this for a cry for help. No, I mean "What's the point?" in the way a child might ask. A simple approach to a complex question. There is no depression present in the asking. No anxiety. Just naked inquisition. Children aren't interested in wasting time. It's either what they want to do or it isn't. Now, they don't always have the ability to judge benefit and consequence like we do. I have a feeling though that we're not as good at it as we might think at judging sometimes. That's why we need to ask "What's the point?"

"What's the point?" is my way of deconstructing my storehouse of knowledge to arrive at a place where I can be of use again. A place where I am present all of the time. There is an assumption, a taking for granted that accompanies knowledge and experience. I believe that this can become an obstacle to advancement. Sometimes, you have to be willing to be wrong in order to be right.

We should ask "What's the point?" from time to time as an exercise whose outcome provides us a glimpse into our current state of affairs. "What's the point?" betrays our motive everytime. Sometimes our motive can fend for itself. Other times......

Sometimes God makes you swim.

2007-06-29T20:28:00.000-05:00

In about 35 hours I will be plunging into the vacuous depths of Lake Erie in an attempt to begin and complete my very first triathlon. It's a sprint triathlon which means that it's shorter than your average, run-of-the-mill triathlon. The swim is 750 meters (1/2 mile), the bike is 20k (12 miles), and the run is 5k (3 miles). I have been loosely preparing for this for the better portion of 3 months.

I began by getting back into a disciplined gym routine. I would go about 4 or 5 times per week working mostly on weight training. I worked some cardiovascular activity into the mix but mostly focused on strength training. Through my workouts I was able to gain about 17 lbs. in this short period of time. I feel a lot stronger and better prepared. The past two weeks I have stayed away from the gym, however. I have spent my workouts either cycling, running, or swimming. The cycling and the running are, by far, the easy part if there is such a thing. The swimming; now that's another thing altogether.

For some reason, I had this idea in my mind that swimming would come naturally to me and that I would excel at it. Boy, was I wrong. Swimming is difficult. Now, I don't mean swimming in the way most people, myself included up to this point, swim. I'm talking about the real deal. Head in the water, even stroking, breathing every third stroke, rhythmic, full legs kicking swimming. The kind of swimming you see when you watch The Olympics. This kind of swimming is difficult to keep up for very long. This kind of swimming requires strength and stamina; two things that I have less of than I originally believed.

The first time I entered the water to practice for the upcoming event was last weekend, less than 6 days ago. I wanted to make sure that I had enough time to train properly. I rented a wetsuit from a local cycling shop for $50 because I was informed that it made the swimming easier. Also, you are supposedly more buoyant in a wetsuit and therefore less likely to encounter "trouble" out in the open water during the race. My advice on wetsuits to anyone interested is this: Don't believe the hype. Moving right along.....There I am in a wetsuit in the middle of a pond in Attica, NY at my wife's family's cottage. It took me several attempts to realize that you have to breathe out while your head is in the water in order to allow oxygen to enter your lungs when your head is out of the water every third stroke. I know, I'm not to quick on the uptake. I suppose I was so focused on the rhythm of it all that I didn't focus on the thing that is supposed to come natural to us humans; breathing. I eventually got past that obstacle only to encounter the next. As it turns out I could only swim the "proper" way for about 25 meters. After about 10 minutes of this exercise in futility I gave up for the night.

Since that fateful day last weekend I have swam three more times. The most recent outing was Wednesday night and I have to say that I did okay. I was able to swim properly for about 100 meters before tiring out. That's definitely a step in the right direction. My only regret is that I started swimming 6 days ago. If I would have started sooner I might be better equipped for this race on Sunday morning.

On a slightly related note, God has really been testing my faith lately. There have been circumstances, mostly buying our first house and anticipating the impending birth of our first child, that have been weighing heavy on my proverbial shoulders. While I am confident that God is blessing us and that our decisions are well within the scope of his will for our life there is still that element of anxiety that accompanies life's significant transitions. The sailing is not always smooth. Sometimes the waves swell and when they do we can express that tendency to wince or even flinch. It's normal.

Driving in my car this afternoon it dawned on me that my training for the triathlon and the challenges of my living are very much alike. When I am swimming or running or biking there are often times when I am physically exhausted and mentally taxed as a result. I just want to stop where I am. I just want the discomfort to cease. I keep going though because I know how good it will feel when I've completed the task strong. I keep going because I know that I have done this before and that I can go just a little bit farther. I keep going because I know that I am going to be alright and that the discomfort is temporary. I keep going because I know that it will make me stronger and more capable for the next physical challenge.

When the stuff of life seems overwhelming and my faith begins to falter I need to keep going. I need to keep going because I know that there is a better life on the other side of the situation. I need to keep going because I know that I have been through challenges before and that I can handle just a little bit more. I need to keep going because I know that the trials of this life are there to build my character and make me more capable for the next. I need to keep going because I know that sometimes God makes you swim, but he never lets you drown.

Weapons of Mass Distraction

2007-06-25T18:12:00.000-05:00

Our computer desk is in the family room of our apartment. We did this mostly out of necessity. Apartments aren't known for their palatial square footage now are they? It works out though because Meredith and I like to listen to music. That's right. We like to listen to music and that is how it works out. Well that and the fact that we listen to music almost exclusively through our computer online. All of this matters to you because while I sit hear blogging I am just feet away from that glorious waste of time we affectionately call television. The television inspires me occasionally as I blog away and today happens to be one of those occasions.

Have you ever watched "The Insider"? It's one of those Entertainment Tonight type shows where they report on all the comings and goings of Hollywood's elite. Here are some of the stories tonight: Did JFK Jr. have same sex relations? Will Linda Carter (played Wonder Woman in the 70's) get plastic surgery? Here's a good one. They just showed a picture of Tiger Woods with his wife and newborn daughter. The woman who is the host of the show was describing the picture for us. Mind you, it was on the screen. So as we were looking at a picture of Tiger holding his daughter while his wife kisses the top of their daughter's head the host is telling us that we are looking at a picture of Tiger Woods holding his daughter while his wife kisses the top of her head. Shocking. Brilliant journalism. Shoot me in the face.

Which star baby fascinates you the most? How is Paris Hilton holding up in jail? Is Prince William back together with girlfriend Kate Middleton? I realize that these are the hard hitting issues of our time but I can't help but feel slightly nauseous watching. The truth is that people want to know this stuff. Plain and simple. If there wasn't a demand then you can bet that NBC wouldn't be airing these types of programs. So they're only guilty of one thing; giving us what we want. Why is it then that we want this stuff? On a side note, I just found out that the new Indiana Jones movie is being filmed right now in "a top secret location". Wow.

Where was I? Oh.....Why do we crave connection with the rich and famous? I have some theories but I won't waste time laying them out here. Well, maybe just one. I think it's a lot like entertaining a baby. There isn't a whole lot of substance to what you do early on, is there? You just make cool sounds and maybe wave things in the baby's face to keep it occupied. Maybe a mobile for the crib with colorful, shiny things to stimulate. While this is good for an infant I can't imagine that it would work very well as the child grew both physically and mentally. I believe that we seek out the rich and famous and the products of our American entertainment industry to be stimulated. I mean, a majority of people will admit that they watch tv to distract them from reality from time to time. It can be a nice escape. I just think that it's a chilling indictment on our society when we become so wrapped up in the lives of people that have no purchase on the significance of OUR LIFE. I think we need to break the addiction of wishing we were somebody else and be who we were created to be and be okay with that.

Eat my shorts.

2007-06-01T16:16:00.000-05:00

That's me running in the 2007 Buffalo Marathon that took place last Sunday. It's a beautiful view of my toned and trained body. If you look real closely you can see the people I'm passing staring at my prowess in awe while questioning their very existence. Well, at least that's what it looked like to me.

Truth be told, I only ran the first leg of a relay, 6.2 miles. I was pleased with the outcome. I was able to keep about an 8 minute mile pace. My friends Jim, Matt, and Sean ran the other legs. They all did very well in my opinion. Combined, we finished the marathon in 3:39:00 approximately. The winner of the marathon finished in 2:17:00, all by himself. Nasty. Just when I was feeling good about my accomplishment I realize how much of an amateur I really am. Oh well.

I had the privilege of lining up at the starting line for the start of the race. It was a cool experience being surrounded by all the other runners. You could really feel the energy and the anticipation. A lot of training and preparation all culminating at this moment. One guy standing to my left was barefoot. He ran the entire 26.2 miles throughout the city of Buffalo without any shoes on. My friends call me Janet, Miss Jackson if you nasty.

One lady who was lined up in front of me had pen all over her arms. She must have written some motivational messages to herself to reflect on throughout the race. One that I was able to read was "Breathe out negative, Breath in positive". That struck me as a little intense at first. Probably because she was uber serious, obviously, and that level of tenacity frightens at first blush. Most likely, what really happened was that I realized at that moment exactly what I was getting myself into. Thankfully, I only had to run 6.2 miles. Phew.

Well, I feel like I've said enough about my marathon experience. I think I'll just finish up and let you all enjoy the picture some more. Who wears short shorts?.......

Matt Carson is on notice.

2007-05-25T12:32:00.000-05:00

So, is anyone else troubled by the fact that Matt Carson romps around the blogosphere leaving his comments on everyone else's posts but does not reciprocate the opportunity in kind? I mean, don't get me wrong; I love Matt Carson (like a rash loves salve) but I think that he is shortchanging us. His responses to our posts are, every single time, poignant and entertaining. Matt, this is an intervention.

I propose the following: Matt should create a blog that is more than just his name on a page. He should have a viewable profile and should grace us with his musings from time to time in true blog fashion, not just responses to our posts.

The long and short of it is that I crave something more. That's right Matt, I crave you. Oh, and then I could also take Matt seriously when he calls me out for not posting in a while. He could "lead by example".

In closing, Matt Carson, consider yourself on notice. I expect your prompt attention to this matter. Granted, this is Memorial Day weekend. Out of consideration for you and your family I will understand if you don't have it up and running by Tuesday. Wednesday will be fine. Oh, and use pictures. Not too many, though. It's not a scrapbook.

Save the Cheerleader, save the world.

2007-05-22T18:22:00.000-05:00

Have you been following this NBC show, Heroes? I have. It's awesome. A little far fetched but awesome nonetheless. Last night was the season finale. All season long they have been reciting this mantra "Save the cheerleader, save the world." in the promos like some clue to the plot of the show. After seeing last night's episode I'm still a little confused about the whole cheerleader/world thing. If anyone can tell me how saving the cheerleader directly or indirectly contributed to the saving of the world I'd appreciate it.

Moving right along.......One thing that I love about the show Heroes is that all the main characters have some sort of super-human power that is a result of, as we are lead to believe, evolutionary advancement. One guy can fly, another heal, another reads minds, one travels time and space, while yet another absorbs the powers of those he comes in contact with. He's probably my favorite. He has a veritable smorgasborg of super powers.

So, what's the freakin' point? I am getting to that. For all of this to make sense I should tell you that I am currently reading a book called "The Spirit of the Disciplines". It's a tough read but so far I believe it's about living the life God intended for us by practicing certain spiritual disciplines like praying and fasting. The purpose of the disciplines is to get, and keep, your body in check and right relation to God. It offers the view that "the flesh" or our body itself is not inherently evil but it is when we allow our bodies to submit to "the world" and its desires that we run aground. In a nut shell, you have been redeemed by Christ but your body is still subject to the old life patterns and behaviors. Because our bodies were never meant to be viewed as separate from our "spiritual" being but rather inextricably joined there is potential to actual use our bodies, "the flesh", for God's glory. Of course, as we all know this is easier said than done. Naturally, we find ourselves settling for a sub-par relationship with God as a result and we often times sit and wonder why we feel defeated. The concept of overcoming the world's sway on our bodies becomes a pipe dream as we grind it out in hopes to "make it out alive" and not botch the whole thing.

What if it were possible to really live a disciplined life? What if we really could reconcile our bodies to our Christianity? What if we only did what we really meant to do instead of the impulsive things we say and do? What might we be capable of? Are we selling ourselves and, consequently, others short? By neglecting our bodies as an essential component of the spiritual being we are limiting what we can accomplish as followers of Christ. Why are we walking when we could be flying? Why submit to the decay around us when we could be bringing healing? Why stop in the face of seemingly insurmountable obstacles when we could be walking right through them? I am speaking figuratively, of course. (You can't really walk through walls, or can you......)

I am beginning to believe that through practiced discipline we could truly know the secret of the easy yoke. I for one am growing weary of living in defeat. We have all heard it said that the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I believe God has placed desires in each of us but that to live out and realize these desires is going to take more than will and intention. Concerted, disciplined action is required. I look forward to the rest of the book as it explains methods to become more disciplined and mold my body into a vessel capable of carrying out the tasks of God's Kingdom. I anticipate the results will be a welcomed change.

Mall Madness

2007-04-20T20:05:00.000-05:00

I have just arrived home from a day at the shopping mall. I am exhausted. It feels good to sit. The reason I was at the mall was to help man a kiosk. The purpose for the kiosk is to raise funds for a charity walk that I am involved in. I am on the planning committee.

The mall wasn't too busy today. That's probably due to today being the first nice day we've seen this spring. Oh yeah, the Sabres are also playing tonight. It's game five against the Islanders here in Buffalo. Buffalo is up 3-1 in the series so a win tonight would put them into the second round. Go Sabres.

We did all right collecting donations, I guess. We didn't really know what to expect because we had never done anything like this before. Our tactic was to engage shoppers as they walked by and ask them if they would be willing to donate $1 to the walk. I thought that asking politely for $1 would be the best way to go. You can't get much easier than that, right? There were many different modes of response. Some stopped and made a donation. Others slowed a bit and then said "No Thanks" and kept walking. Others dismissed you with a hand or discouraging face while others ignored you completely.

It was interesting watching people as they approached our kiosk. You could see the various behaviors exhibited in attempts to avoid eye contact or discourage an approach. It was comical to a point because I do some of the same things when I'm walking through the mall as a shopper. You see the person taking donations or engaging people as they walk buy and all you want to do is get by them without incident. You look in the opposite direction or you change your walking pattern or even speed sometimes. For the first time I felt what it was like to be on the other end of that scenario.

It doesn't feel good when they dismiss you completely. Especially when you are trying to be nice and not aggressive. I guess what bugged me the most about that kind of thing is knowing how easy it would be for them to just find that $1 and take the two seconds to donate it. Would they be worse off if they did? Would I be worse off if I did? Would I be saying "Man, I wish I had that $1 bill back". Probably not. I think this kind of thing happens to each and every one of us multiple times every single day. I'm not talking about donation opportunities to charities this time even though those do happen too sometimes. I'm talking about the person you walk by in the hall at your office and don't say hello to or give a smile. The person who leaks a little bit of their life's stresses in conversation but we don't stick around to hear them out or offer our help. The phone call that we let go to voice mail because it's not a good time for us.

We are given opportunities to make donations in people's lives all the time. I know this because I see it in my life all the time and we are all pretty much the same in this respect. What if the people that we let slip by feel like I felt at times at the mall today? Dismissed. Not a priority. Not worth the time. It's making me think that I need to try harder to view these "interuptions" as opportunities to bless someone other than myself.

Welcome to the club - Part III

2007-02-28T22:19:00.000-05:00

I know it's been a while between this and my last post but I wasn't quite ready to finish it off. I guess I have been coming to a conclusion throughout this process. This is what I have decided. Though I do not endorse the restrictions deemed necessary by the club it comes down to a matter of priorities. What is most important to me? Is the forfeiture of certain privelages worth the increased purchase into the system? The answer, for me and at this time, is yes.

Truthfully, the answer has always been yes, in principle. I just wasn't sure if this was the time to make the commitment. There is always uncertainty involved in making decisions like this one but I am willing to make the trade off.

The only thing that bothers me is whether or not my acquiescence on this point constitutes a perceived endorsement of this philosophy. While I am willing to make the required lifestyle commitments am I willing to recommend them to others? This I am uncertain about. I feel that, for the most part, my membership to the club will be perceived as an endorsement of the philosophy. I don't see how it could otherwise. It is part and parcel to the membership. A member is a member because they identify with the club and its principles. While there is always deviation in some respect the principles are considered to be endorsed on the whole. I guess I'll just have to deal with that.

I will not undermine the good and potential to do more good that the club has by purposely cutting against the grain. I will, however, follow my heart when I feel the need to keeping in mind that, even according to this club's core philosophy, there is rarely black and white but rather that we live in the gray and should respond accordingly.

So, yes, I am joining the club. I should be a full fledged, card carrying member within a couple weeks. Will the means lead to the much hoped for end? Only time will tell.

Welcome to the club - Part II

2007-02-15T21:36:00.000-05:00

I don't really want to become a member of the club. I'm sure this much is clear by now. At least not in the club's terms. In my mind, I'm already a member. I have been for a long time. What is membership? Is it feeling like you belong? Or is it being told you belong?

You know, there are other clubs that are very similar to the club I have been talking about. Some of the rules of membership are different along with the way the club members express their membership but, ultimately, they're the same. In fact, these clubs are just smaller contingencies of a much larger organization. Ironically, a lot of the time it's easier to belong to the parent organization than it is to belong to one of the various clubs that fall underneath it. There seems to be less hoops to jump through. For some reason, the clubs require commitments and certain behaviors that the parent organization doesn't even require. I'm not convinced that the parent organization even endorses these hoops.

So, I can be part of the larger group but not the smaller club that derives its existence from that larger group. I can represent the parent organization but I can't fully represent the club. Not unless, of course, I agree to lay aside privelages held to be controversial by the club. Privelages that they will tell you are not "wrong" just not what's in the best interest of anyone who would officially represent the club. Why do I feel like I'm less than enough by adhering to the policies of the parent ogranization? How can I belong without actually belonging? Why do I feel like this is some type of polite caste system?

"You belong, just not as much as these people belong. Don't take it the wrong way though. You're fine as you are. Keep up what you've been doing. There's nothing wrong with that. You're just not membership material, but if you......"

Does that make any sense at all? I wasn't going to but I think I need to stop here and pick up in Part III.

Welcome to the club - Part I

2007-02-13T19:36:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been a member of a club? I'm considering joining one myself. I like this club a lot. I know a lot of people who belong to this club. Up until now, I have never considered joining the club. I have always been able to be a part of the club, on various levels, without actually signing on the dotted line. I have hung out at the clubhouse for years, participated in various events, and even volunteered my time and resources. Over the past several years, I have become very attached. There have been things that, like any club, I have disagreed with but they have never been that major. You could almost say that I have developed some type of strange love for the club and its members.

The reason why I have never officially joined the club is simple. There was never a good reason to. I have always been able to participate at a level that was fulfilling to me. For all intents and purposes, I looked just like all the other club members. I did everything any of the others were doing, even more than some. The only thing I could not do, and cannot do still, is vote on club policy or hold a high level position in the club.

For some time now I have been feeling that the club just wasn't providing me with the same fulfillment that it used to. Having been privelaged to be on the inside of the club for so long has left me wondering about the future of this club. The club will probably survive , but I wonder if it will live up to the potential that it has. I have noticed that others have begun to feel the same way about the club that I do. Initially, I wasn't sure what to do about this. Like I said, I have grown to love this club and the club members and don't want it to meet a mediocre fate. There was a time when I thought that maybe my time with this club was up. Maybe I needed to find my place outside of the club where I could feel significant growth again. Then I started thinking that maybe I should stick around this club a little longer. Perhaps I could be influential in taking this club to the next level; help it reach its potential.

That's when it hit me. I'm not a full fledged member of the club. I couldn't even begin to approach this without first becoming official. So, what's the problem? Why don't I just join the club? Therein lies my dilemma. We'll get to that next time.

The Pursuit of Happyness

2007-02-04T13:19:00.000-05:00

After we got over the initial shock of purchasing movie theater refreshments we did actually watch a movie. We saw "The Pursuit of Happyness" starring Will Smith and his son, Will Smith's Son. It is based on a true story. For those thinking about seeing the movie, do it. Just be forewarned, it is depressing. Very depressing. Basically, you watch Will Smith's character, Chris Gardner, as his life pretty much falls apart. Just when you think it can't get any worse, it does. I won't spoil the film for you. There is, however, a happy ending. Personally, I was a little disappointed in the ending. I felt that they owed me a little more than they gave me. I mean, I sat through this excruciating journey with the main character and his son for about 99% of the movie. Then I get 3 minutes of feel good at the end. Sorry, but that's not enough for the amount of agony I had to endure. Like I said though, I won't spoil the film for you. Go see it.

I am going to talk about one of the scenes right now. If you are going to see it then stop reading right now. At about the half way mark of the film there is a scene where Chris Gardner is in a hospital with his son waiting to speak with a doctor. Chris sells bone density scanners to doctors in the San Francisco Bay area. His wife and him had spent their savings to purchase a boat load of these machines which Chris thought would turn into financial freedom. As it turned out, most doctors saw these machines as a luxury, not a necessity. At this point in the film Chris' wife has left him, he got evicted from his apartment and he has no money. He and his son are homeless. Chris has sold all of his scanners except for one. If he can sell this one last machine then they will be able to stay in a motel until he can get back on his feet, essentially. This is a pivotal point for Chris and his son. If he does not sell this machine then they remain homeless and the downward cycle continues.

As they are sitting, waiting for the doctor, a nurse walks up to Chris and explains that the doctor called and said that he was not going to be able to meet that night. You could feel the devastation Chris Gardner was feeling. Seeing his son only enhanced that feeling. As I was watching that scene I couldn't help but wonder about that doctor. Why couldn't he meet with Chris? What was his reason? I had been watching all of these sad events happen to Chris and his son and I wanted to know. It wasn't right. Chris needed to sell that machine. Chris's son needed him to sell that machine. Now, you never find out the reason why the doctor couldn't meet Chris that night. I guessed that he was too busy. That's what the nurse made it seem like. Too busy doing what? I don't know. It could have been something really important or maybe it was something trivial. Maybe the doctor just couldn't be bothered. Either way it doesn't matter.

I couldn't help but wonder about my own life and encounters. To that doctor, Chris was just like any other person. He was someone other than the doctor. The doctor has a life, has relationships, has tasks and schedules. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that. That's life but, Chris Gardner has a life too. He has relationships, tasks and schedules. What would happen if I sought to see people in the way that this movie allowed me to see Chris Gardner. What if I knew the consequences of my actions towards others? What if I truly knew the impact my action, or inaction, had on those around me? What if that doctor knew that Chris Gardner and his son would sleep locked in a bathroom in a subway tunnel that night? Now, I'm not suggesting that he would have, or should have, bought that bone density scanner for that reason. I'm just simply raising the questions. How often have we neglected to take the time for someone because it didn't mesh with our agenda?

This type of situation is complex indeed. There are no simple answers to these questions. The point I am trying to make is that we are surrounded by people all day, every day. Rarely do we know these people as well as "The Pursuit of Happyness" allows us to know Chris Gardner and his son. Would we view people differently if we knew the reality of their life? Would we treat people differently in light of that knowledge? I'd like to think we would but somehow I'm not certain. We might never know the depths of other peoples lives. That being said, I hope that we would choose to live like the well being of others is dependent on our actions. Who knows, it might just be someday.

This is what's wrong with America. (aka Movie Theater Refreshments)

2007-01-29T18:07:00.000-05:00

So, Meredith and I went to the movies Saturday night. We went to the Regal on Transit. For those reading this not familiar with the theaters around Buffalo, The Regal on Transit Road is the "big boy's" movie theater. This thing is the size of a small college campus. The parking lot is huge and chaotic. There's like a billion screens on the inside and they even have an IMAX, whatever that is.

We bought our tickets on Fandango.com so we wouldn't have to wait in line at the box office. I must admit, this is a sweet feature that not many people take advantage of it seems judging from the line. I dropped Meredith off at the door and headed directly for the back of the building where I knew there would be open parking spots. I hustled in and caught up with her just as she had finished printing our tickets. We walked in and stood in the first concession line we saw. After about 3 minutes or so we realized that this particular counter didn't sell popcorn. That explained why there was barely anyone waiting in line there. We shuffled over to the next line after making sure they sold popcorn. We don't go to the movies often but when we do you better not come between us and our movie theater popcorn.

Meredith and I were both thirsty too so we decided to purchase a combo that consisted of two "medium" drinks and one bucket of popcorn. Our insatiable lust for popcorn must have clouded our judgement momentarily and caused us to forget where we were. When we received our order our jaws dropped and we just stared. The "medium" sodas held enough liquid to drown a small animal and the bucket of popcorn was proportionately rediculous. Then the clerk rang it up. $17.00!!!!! I almost had a stroke. While all of this is happening we continued to stare with our mouths open. We briefly discussed the option of changing our minds but by this time I felt it was too late for that. I mean, it wasn't the clerks fault that we didn't think this whole thing through. We paid the $17.00 and took our refreshments. Actually, Meredith took a picture of the two sodas and our popcorn on the counter. That clerk must have thought we were from a different planet.

As you can probably guess, we didn't finish our sodas or that enormous bucket of popcorn. We ended up throwing the rest away. We certainly did pay way too much for it, though. All things considered, it probably costs the movie theater $2.00 for the supplies including the cups and bucket and that's being generous. That leaves $15.00 profit. I'm all for businesses making money but geez. Not only that, how about the portions? I should probably go see my doctor just to make sure I don't have diabetes now. If that soda is considered a medium (32 oz) then I can only imagine what a large is, 64 oz? Also, ever notice how the movie theaters don't put the prices of those combos on the board? Now, I should have thought enough to ask but that's exactly why they don't post the prices.

Of course, soda and popcorn are not evil. Actually, they are tasty and delicious. I like both, by themselves or together. I can eat a little, or a lot. It's entirely up to me. The question I have been posing to myself, not just in regards to theater refreshments either, is this: "Just because you can do something, does that mean you should?" What do you think? How big is "too big"? How much is "too much"? I'm not sure myself.

Seriously though, this is what I think is wrong with America. Our extreme affluence has put us in a position to do almost anything we desire to do. If we want something we can go out and get it, for the most part. "If a little of something is good, then a lot must be better." An American ideal. I believe that we have been blessed for a reason. This, of course, is not an original thought. It's something I have picked up along the way. Are we using what we have to bless others or are we simply stock piling our resources? Are we consuming for consumptions sake? Are we gorging ourselves and in the process digging our own graves? No, I'm not just talking about eating too much.

I paid way too much for something that I didn't need and didn't even fully utilize. I realized it was a bad deal but I went along with it anyway, because I could. I could afford it. Maybe I should have been nobler and spoke up at that moment, or wiser and thought it through better. Either way I can't change it. It's too late. Good thing it was only popcorn and soda, right? Right.

How do you show people that you care about them?

2007-01-22T20:08:00.000-05:00

This is a question that I have struggled with for some time now. It really first crept up in my life about six months ago or so. I had been in my new job for about seven months and I was having a difficult time. As many of you know I am a Marketing Consultant for a cluster of radio stations and my primary way of acquiring new clients is through the time-honored, and generally maligned, practice of cold-calling. Whether it be over the phone or in person you are, most of the time, someone they didn't necessarily plan on talking to that day. In many cases, they don't ever plan on talking to you. Occasionally you'll get someone who tells you like it is and shoots straight with you. Most of the time, however, you get the run around.

This really bugged me. Could I be satisfied with these types of encounters? How was I going to build relationships with people that were more than just superficial. I thought to myself, "If they only knew that I actually do care." I know, it sounds crazy. Who has time for that? Aren't I supposed to be selling advertising? Look, I can't even take credit for it. As a matter of fact, I used to be totally focused on myself. That didn't work out too well for me but that's another story for another day. Let's stick to this one for now. I can remember talking to my friend Scott about this a few years ago. I noticed something about him, a character trait, that I found very attractive. He had such a passion for other people. It was incredible. I asked him about it one day. He told me that when he was in college he saw the same thing in a friend of his, someone who became a mentor of sorts to him. Scott asked his friend about what he saw just as I was asking Scott. What Scott's friend told him is what Scott shared with me and it has made a world of difference. To sum it up, others are more important than yourself and you should show them that they are. So many people have low self esteem and hardly hear a word of encouragement at all, even from those closest to them. Scott's friend made the commitment to be that kind of person to everyone he met. Scott liked it so much that he began praying that God would give him a genuine love and passion for others and God did just that. So, I decided that I wanted that same love and passion for others so I started to pray about it and still do to this day. It has been several years in the making but I am starting to see God answer that prayer.

What I didn't realize at the time is that there is a burden that comes along with that desire to love others. Go figure, you ask for something that will align you with the character of Christ and bless others and, of course, there's strings attached. I suppose these are the good kind of strings. The kind that help you see things as they really are. Unfortunately, those strings don't always feel good when they tug on your heart. You start to see people in a different light. Not as shapes and figures passing by you throughout the day cutting in and out of "your" day to day. Rather, you begin to view them as people with realities, at times convenient, at others imposing. Convenient in the respect that you can identify and share in the joy of life. Imposing because they go against the grain of your day. They require your time and your sincere attention. Sometimes you'll have something to share but most of the time you just listen and wonder what's going through their head and what in the world you can do to help. Most of the time there's not much to say. You hear what they say and you wish you could do something about it. The truth is you can't do much, most of the time. You can't change their circumstances. You can't put together a plan of action that will guarantee resolution. All you can do is listen and feel a little like they probably do, helpless. Helpless isn't really helpless though. Sometimes the best thing for us is to realize that we don't have the control that we thought we had. It reveals our great need for the one who created and sustains us, apart from our acknowledgement.

The good news, as I'm starting to see, is that it's not our job to solve all the world's problems. We are simply called to be available to respond to needs as we encounter them, to show compassion to others, and put them before ourselves. We can't assume that we know the reason behind every circumstance. We can have faith that God is in charge and seek to live according to the example Jesus set.

I'm reminded of the time when Jesus visited with two sisters, Mary and Martha. While Martha was busy making preparations for Jesus' visit Mary was sitting at Jesus' feet intently listening to what He was saying. Martha, of course, appealed to Jesus, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" Jesus replies, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." How often is it that we have that same myopic view of the world around us? We are focused on our daily tasks, in and of themselves morally neutral, but we miss what is happening all around us and in the process are missing out on seeing God in are very midst.

So let's bring it back to my original question. How do I show people that I care about them? Well, I decided that I was just going to do it. I was going to take time, every day, to put other people first and not just clients or prospects. Everyone. My co-workers, friends, strangers, whomever. Sure, there were still tasks to be accomplished but I wasn't going to let the "business" suffocate the relationships. So far, so good. I can't fully explain it but I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I no longer worry about what tomorrow's going to bring because whatever it brings is what God has for me and I accept it thankfully.

How do I show people that I care about them? I try my best to emulate Christ's heart, as flawed as my efforts may be. I take time for those around me and I pray for them. God cares about them just as much as He does about me and I believe that He wants them to know Him and His plan for them. I do not do this perfectly, I admit. Hopefully, God's grace picks up where my mistakes leave off.

From: Buffalo To: Africa

2007-01-19T22:31:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning with Laryngitis. It was necessary for me to go into work for a meeting at 9:30 but then I took the rest of the day off. I spent most of the day putting together a photo sharing page and linking it to this site. For some reason my computer decided to freak out every two and a half minutes. I tried yelling at it but it was no use, on account of the lost voice. Lesson learned.

Everyone has been asking me to see photos from our trip to Africa. So, without further adue (is that how you spell that?), here it is. The link is to your right. I'm sure the pictures are going to raise questions in your minds. Please, feel free to ask away. One of the reasons we went was to bring our experience back to you. To those who sponsored our trip, thank you. Without your willingness to bless these people none of this would have happened. We have already been blessed by this journey and I pray that all of you are too, even in some small way.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

2007-01-18T17:56:00.001-05:00

(Taking a deep breath)......

So.....I have pretty much always made fun of the whole online "lifestyle". You know, chat rooms, blogging, myspace, meeting people online, etc. I guess it stems from my belief that there is so much "reality" to deal with that who could possibly have time for the "virtual"? That was until about one week ago. That's when I was introduced to the world of blogging by my good friend Jim. Through reading his blogs I realized that there actually were some applications for this medium that were very much founded in reality other than data mining, entertainment, and advertising. So, should anyone care to find out what I think about various esoteric topics or witness the mental bumper cars that is my thought life I invite you to stop back sometime. As far as my nay-saying and poo-pooing of this sort of thing; I was wrong.