Welcome to the club - Part III

I know it's been a while between this and my last post but I wasn't quite ready to finish it off. I guess I have been coming to a conclusion throughout this process. This is what I have decided. Though I do not endorse the restrictions deemed necessary by the club it comes down to a matter of priorities. What is most important to me? Is the forfeiture of certain privelages worth the increased purchase into the system? The answer, for me and at this time, is yes.

Truthfully, the answer has always been yes, in principle. I just wasn't sure if this was the time to make the commitment. There is always uncertainty involved in making decisions like this one but I am willing to make the trade off.

The only thing that bothers me is whether or not my acquiescence on this point constitutes a perceived endorsement of this philosophy. While I am willing to make the required lifestyle commitments am I willing to recommend them to others? This I am uncertain about. I feel that, for the most part, my membership to the club will be perceived as an endorsement of the philosophy. I don't see how it could otherwise. It is part and parcel to the membership. A member is a member because they identify with the club and its principles. While there is always deviation in some respect the principles are considered to be endorsed on the whole. I guess I'll just have to deal with that.

I will not undermine the good and potential to do more good that the club has by purposely cutting against the grain. I will, however, follow my heart when I feel the need to keeping in mind that, even according to this club's core philosophy, there is rarely black and white but rather that we live in the gray and should respond accordingly.

So, yes, I am joining the club. I should be a full fledged, card carrying member within a couple weeks. Will the means lead to the much hoped for end? Only time will tell.

Welcome to the club - Part II

I don't really want to become a member of the club. I'm sure this much is clear by now. At least not in the club's terms. In my mind, I'm already a member. I have been for a long time. What is membership? Is it feeling like you belong? Or is it being told you belong?

You know, there are other clubs that are very similar to the club I have been talking about. Some of the rules of membership are different along with the way the club members express their membership but, ultimately, they're the same. In fact, these clubs are just smaller contingencies of a much larger organization. Ironically, a lot of the time it's easier to belong to the parent organization than it is to belong to one of the various clubs that fall underneath it. There seems to be less hoops to jump through. For some reason, the clubs require commitments and certain behaviors that the parent organization doesn't even require. I'm not convinced that the parent organization even endorses these hoops.

So, I can be part of the larger group but not the smaller club that derives its existence from that larger group. I can represent the parent organization but I can't fully represent the club. Not unless, of course, I agree to lay aside privelages held to be controversial by the club. Privelages that they will tell you are not "wrong" just not what's in the best interest of anyone who would officially represent the club. Why do I feel like I'm less than enough by adhering to the policies of the parent ogranization? How can I belong without actually belonging? Why do I feel like this is some type of polite caste system?

"You belong, just not as much as these people belong. Don't take it the wrong way though. You're fine as you are. Keep up what you've been doing. There's nothing wrong with that. You're just not membership material, but if you......"

Does that make any sense at all? I wasn't going to but I think I need to stop here and pick up in Part III.

Welcome to the club - Part I

Have you ever been a member of a club? I'm considering joining one myself. I like this club a lot. I know a lot of people who belong to this club. Up until now, I have never considered joining the club. I have always been able to be a part of the club, on various levels, without actually signing on the dotted line. I have hung out at the clubhouse for years, participated in various events, and even volunteered my time and resources. Over the past several years, I have become very attached. There have been things that, like any club, I have disagreed with but they have never been that major. You could almost say that I have developed some type of strange love for the club and its members.

The reason why I have never officially joined the club is simple. There was never a good reason to. I have always been able to participate at a level that was fulfilling to me. For all intents and purposes, I looked just like all the other club members. I did everything any of the others were doing, even more than some. The only thing I could not do, and cannot do still, is vote on club policy or hold a high level position in the club.

For some time now I have been feeling that the club just wasn't providing me with the same fulfillment that it used to. Having been privelaged to be on the inside of the club for so long has left me wondering about the future of this club. The club will probably survive , but I wonder if it will live up to the potential that it has. I have noticed that others have begun to feel the same way about the club that I do. Initially, I wasn't sure what to do about this. Like I said, I have grown to love this club and the club members and don't want it to meet a mediocre fate. There was a time when I thought that maybe my time with this club was up. Maybe I needed to find my place outside of the club where I could feel significant growth again. Then I started thinking that maybe I should stick around this club a little longer. Perhaps I could be influential in taking this club to the next level; help it reach its potential.

That's when it hit me. I'm not a full fledged member of the club. I couldn't even begin to approach this without first becoming official. So, what's the problem? Why don't I just join the club? Therein lies my dilemma. We'll get to that next time.

The Pursuit of Happyness

After we got over the initial shock of purchasing movie theater refreshments we did actually watch a movie. We saw "The Pursuit of Happyness" starring Will Smith and his son, Will Smith's Son. It is based on a true story. For those thinking about seeing the movie, do it. Just be forewarned, it is depressing. Very depressing. Basically, you watch Will Smith's character, Chris Gardner, as his life pretty much falls apart. Just when you think it can't get any worse, it does. I won't spoil the film for you. There is, however, a happy ending. Personally, I was a little disappointed in the ending. I felt that they owed me a little more than they gave me. I mean, I sat through this excruciating journey with the main character and his son for about 99% of the movie. Then I get 3 minutes of feel good at the end. Sorry, but that's not enough for the amount of agony I had to endure. Like I said though, I won't spoil the film for you. Go see it.

I am going to talk about one of the scenes right now. If you are going to see it then stop reading right now. At about the half way mark of the film there is a scene where Chris Gardner is in a hospital with his son waiting to speak with a doctor. Chris sells bone density scanners to doctors in the San Francisco Bay area. His wife and him had spent their savings to purchase a boat load of these machines which Chris thought would turn into financial freedom. As it turned out, most doctors saw these machines as a luxury, not a necessity. At this point in the film Chris' wife has left him, he got evicted from his apartment and he has no money. He and his son are homeless. Chris has sold all of his scanners except for one. If he can sell this one last machine then they will be able to stay in a motel until he can get back on his feet, essentially. This is a pivotal point for Chris and his son. If he does not sell this machine then they remain homeless and the downward cycle continues.

As they are sitting, waiting for the doctor, a nurse walks up to Chris and explains that the doctor called and said that he was not going to be able to meet that night. You could feel the devastation Chris Gardner was feeling. Seeing his son only enhanced that feeling. As I was watching that scene I couldn't help but wonder about that doctor. Why couldn't he meet with Chris? What was his reason? I had been watching all of these sad events happen to Chris and his son and I wanted to know. It wasn't right. Chris needed to sell that machine. Chris's son needed him to sell that machine. Now, you never find out the reason why the doctor couldn't meet Chris that night. I guessed that he was too busy. That's what the nurse made it seem like. Too busy doing what? I don't know. It could have been something really important or maybe it was something trivial. Maybe the doctor just couldn't be bothered. Either way it doesn't matter.

I couldn't help but wonder about my own life and encounters. To that doctor, Chris was just like any other person. He was someone other than the doctor. The doctor has a life, has relationships, has tasks and schedules. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that. That's life but, Chris Gardner has a life too. He has relationships, tasks and schedules. What would happen if I sought to see people in the way that this movie allowed me to see Chris Gardner. What if I knew the consequences of my actions towards others? What if I truly knew the impact my action, or inaction, had on those around me? What if that doctor knew that Chris Gardner and his son would sleep locked in a bathroom in a subway tunnel that night? Now, I'm not suggesting that he would have, or should have, bought that bone density scanner for that reason. I'm just simply raising the questions. How often have we neglected to take the time for someone because it didn't mesh with our agenda?

This type of situation is complex indeed. There are no simple answers to these questions. The point I am trying to make is that we are surrounded by people all day, every day. Rarely do we know these people as well as "The Pursuit of Happyness" allows us to know Chris Gardner and his son. Would we view people differently if we knew the reality of their life? Would we treat people differently in light of that knowledge? I'd like to think we would but somehow I'm not certain. We might never know the depths of other peoples lives. That being said, I hope that we would choose to live like the well being of others is dependent on our actions. Who knows, it might just be someday.

This is what's wrong with America. (aka Movie Theater Refreshments)

So, Meredith and I went to the movies Saturday night. We went to the Regal on Transit. For those reading this not familiar with the theaters around Buffalo, The Regal on Transit Road is the "big boy's" movie theater. This thing is the size of a small college campus. The parking lot is huge and chaotic. There's like a billion screens on the inside and they even have an IMAX, whatever that is.

We bought our tickets on Fandango.com so we wouldn't have to wait in line at the box office. I must admit, this is a sweet feature that not many people take advantage of it seems judging from the line. I dropped Meredith off at the door and headed directly for the back of the building where I knew there would be open parking spots. I hustled in and caught up with her just as she had finished printing our tickets. We walked in and stood in the first concession line we saw. After about 3 minutes or so we realized that this particular counter didn't sell popcorn. That explained why there was barely anyone waiting in line there. We shuffled over to the next line after making sure they sold popcorn. We don't go to the movies often but when we do you better not come between us and our movie theater popcorn.

Meredith and I were both thirsty too so we decided to purchase a combo that consisted of two "medium" drinks and one bucket of popcorn. Our insatiable lust for popcorn must have clouded our judgement momentarily and caused us to forget where we were. When we received our order our jaws dropped and we just stared. The "medium" sodas held enough liquid to drown a small animal and the bucket of popcorn was proportionately rediculous. Then the clerk rang it up. $17.00!!!!! I almost had a stroke. While all of this is happening we continued to stare with our mouths open. We briefly discussed the option of changing our minds but by this time I felt it was too late for that. I mean, it wasn't the clerks fault that we didn't think this whole thing through. We paid the $17.00 and took our refreshments. Actually, Meredith took a picture of the two sodas and our popcorn on the counter. That clerk must have thought we were from a different planet.

As you can probably guess, we didn't finish our sodas or that enormous bucket of popcorn. We ended up throwing the rest away. We certainly did pay way too much for it, though. All things considered, it probably costs the movie theater $2.00 for the supplies including the cups and bucket and that's being generous. That leaves $15.00 profit. I'm all for businesses making money but geez. Not only that, how about the portions? I should probably go see my doctor just to make sure I don't have diabetes now. If that soda is considered a medium (32 oz) then I can only imagine what a large is, 64 oz? Also, ever notice how the movie theaters don't put the prices of those combos on the board? Now, I should have thought enough to ask but that's exactly why they don't post the prices.

Of course, soda and popcorn are not evil. Actually, they are tasty and delicious. I like both, by themselves or together. I can eat a little, or a lot. It's entirely up to me. The question I have been posing to myself, not just in regards to theater refreshments either, is this: "Just because you can do something, does that mean you should?" What do you think? How big is "too big"? How much is "too much"? I'm not sure myself.

Seriously though, this is what I think is wrong with America. Our extreme affluence has put us in a position to do almost anything we desire to do. If we want something we can go out and get it, for the most part. "If a little of something is good, then a lot must be better." An American ideal. I believe that we have been blessed for a reason. This, of course, is not an original thought. It's something I have picked up along the way. Are we using what we have to bless others or are we simply stock piling our resources? Are we consuming for consumptions sake? Are we gorging ourselves and in the process digging our own graves? No, I'm not just talking about eating too much.

I paid way too much for something that I didn't need and didn't even fully utilize. I realized it was a bad deal but I went along with it anyway, because I could. I could afford it. Maybe I should have been nobler and spoke up at that moment, or wiser and thought it through better. Either way I can't change it. It's too late. Good thing it was only popcorn and soda, right? Right.

How do you show people that you care about them?

This is a question that I have struggled with for some time now. It really first crept up in my life about six months ago or so. I had been in my new job for about seven months and I was having a difficult time. As many of you know I am a Marketing Consultant for a cluster of radio stations and my primary way of acquiring new clients is through the time-honored, and generally maligned, practice of cold-calling. Whether it be over the phone or in person you are, most of the time, someone they didn't necessarily plan on talking to that day. In many cases, they don't ever plan on talking to you. Occasionally you'll get someone who tells you like it is and shoots straight with you. Most of the time, however, you get the run around.

This really bugged me. Could I be satisfied with these types of encounters? How was I going to build relationships with people that were more than just superficial. I thought to myself, "If they only knew that I actually do care." I know, it sounds crazy. Who has time for that? Aren't I supposed to be selling advertising? Look, I can't even take credit for it. As a matter of fact, I used to be totally focused on myself. That didn't work out too well for me but that's another story for another day. Let's stick to this one for now. I can remember talking to my friend Scott about this a few years ago. I noticed something about him, a character trait, that I found very attractive. He had such a passion for other people. It was incredible. I asked him about it one day. He told me that when he was in college he saw the same thing in a friend of his, someone who became a mentor of sorts to him. Scott asked his friend about what he saw just as I was asking Scott. What Scott's friend told him is what Scott shared with me and it has made a world of difference. To sum it up, others are more important than yourself and you should show them that they are. So many people have low self esteem and hardly hear a word of encouragement at all, even from those closest to them. Scott's friend made the commitment to be that kind of person to everyone he met. Scott liked it so much that he began praying that God would give him a genuine love and passion for others and God did just that. So, I decided that I wanted that same love and passion for others so I started to pray about it and still do to this day. It has been several years in the making but I am starting to see God answer that prayer.

What I didn't realize at the time is that there is a burden that comes along with that desire to love others. Go figure, you ask for something that will align you with the character of Christ and bless others and, of course, there's strings attached. I suppose these are the good kind of strings. The kind that help you see things as they really are. Unfortunately, those strings don't always feel good when they tug on your heart. You start to see people in a different light. Not as shapes and figures passing by you throughout the day cutting in and out of "your" day to day. Rather, you begin to view them as people with realities, at times convenient, at others imposing. Convenient in the respect that you can identify and share in the joy of life. Imposing because they go against the grain of your day. They require your time and your sincere attention. Sometimes you'll have something to share but most of the time you just listen and wonder what's going through their head and what in the world you can do to help. Most of the time there's not much to say. You hear what they say and you wish you could do something about it. The truth is you can't do much, most of the time. You can't change their circumstances. You can't put together a plan of action that will guarantee resolution. All you can do is listen and feel a little like they probably do, helpless. Helpless isn't really helpless though. Sometimes the best thing for us is to realize that we don't have the control that we thought we had. It reveals our great need for the one who created and sustains us, apart from our acknowledgement.

The good news, as I'm starting to see, is that it's not our job to solve all the world's problems. We are simply called to be available to respond to needs as we encounter them, to show compassion to others, and put them before ourselves. We can't assume that we know the reason behind every circumstance. We can have faith that God is in charge and seek to live according to the example Jesus set.

I'm reminded of the time when Jesus visited with two sisters, Mary and Martha. While Martha was busy making preparations for Jesus' visit Mary was sitting at Jesus' feet intently listening to what He was saying. Martha, of course, appealed to Jesus, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" Jesus replies, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." How often is it that we have that same myopic view of the world around us? We are focused on our daily tasks, in and of themselves morally neutral, but we miss what is happening all around us and in the process are missing out on seeing God in are very midst.

So let's bring it back to my original question. How do I show people that I care about them? Well, I decided that I was just going to do it. I was going to take time, every day, to put other people first and not just clients or prospects. Everyone. My co-workers, friends, strangers, whomever. Sure, there were still tasks to be accomplished but I wasn't going to let the "business" suffocate the relationships. So far, so good. I can't fully explain it but I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I no longer worry about what tomorrow's going to bring because whatever it brings is what God has for me and I accept it thankfully.

How do I show people that I care about them? I try my best to emulate Christ's heart, as flawed as my efforts may be. I take time for those around me and I pray for them. God cares about them just as much as He does about me and I believe that He wants them to know Him and His plan for them. I do not do this perfectly, I admit. Hopefully, God's grace picks up where my mistakes leave off.

From: Buffalo To: Africa

I woke up this morning with Laryngitis. It was necessary for me to go into work for a meeting at 9:30 but then I took the rest of the day off. I spent most of the day putting together a photo sharing page and linking it to this site. For some reason my computer decided to freak out every two and a half minutes. I tried yelling at it but it was no use, on account of the lost voice. Lesson learned.

Everyone has been asking me to see photos from our trip to Africa. So, without further adue (is that how you spell that?), here it is. The link is to your right. I'm sure the pictures are going to raise questions in your minds. Please, feel free to ask away. One of the reasons we went was to bring our experience back to you. To those who sponsored our trip, thank you. Without your willingness to bless these people none of this would have happened. We have already been blessed by this journey and I pray that all of you are too, even in some small way.